I was doing some research recently on the topic of female friendships for a women’s group I facilitate, and I found one study from the Social Issues Research Centre in the United Kingdom to be particularly interesting. The research was commissioned by Diet Coke and the report is entitled “Girl Talk, The new rules of female friendship and communication” (www.sirc.org) I learned some interesting new facts.

I knew that research has supported that women are more skilled at communication than men, both the verbal and non-verbal types, and are generally more interested in relationships. I also knew about our roots as ‘gatherers’ with the accompanying need for other females to help with that chore as well as with child birthing and child rearing.

However, I had never heard of the use of tag questions as being an indicator of what the study calls, ‘girl talk.’ Tag questions are primarily used by females, and come at the end of a statement. For example, upon hearing an outrageous statistic, a man might respond with, “That is ridiculous”, while a woman might say, “That is ridiculous, isn’t it?” “Isn’t it?” is the tag question.

After reading the study, I have become a closer observer of female conversations, and I have to admit that I hear the tag questions with a much greater frequency from women than men. It could be interpreted in two ways. The men sound sure of themselves with a stronger sounding declarative statement. The study calls it, report talk. The women are seeking input with a tag question and are therefore not only speaking girl talk, but also rapport talk. It is an indicator of a woman’s tendency toward connectedness versus the need to be right.

In the business world, some might view this pattern of speech as a weakness, a need for affirmation of an idea. It can also be viewed as an asset, the willingness to get input from others to perhaps come up with a better plan. It is an invitation to chime in and share ideas, and also lets the listener know that her opinions are both welcomed and valued.

Another enlightening tidbit of information from the Girl Talk study concerns the origins of the word, gossip. It is almost impossible to talk about female friendships without someone bringing forward that females cannot be trusted because they gossip.

The word has a bad reputation, and I was surprised that this was not always the case. The word descends from the Old English word, godsibb, which literally translated, means godparent. It was used to refer to a woman’s closest circle of friends, those that would help her with childbirth.

Then, how did the word move from one of affection and friendship to one of disdain? Unfortunately, the study does not answer that question, so I posed the question to a group of women, after explaining the origin of the word. I found their speculations to be very insightful.

One woman explained that her grandmother wanted to know everything that was going on in her neighborhood. She sought out information about peoples’ comings and goings, and their good news and bad, and became a source of information for everyone else. Another woman said her family used to refer to her grandmother as the Kenosha News, because she also seemed to know everything about everybody and was willing to share her knowledge. That certainly sounds like gossip, but both women emphasized that the information sharing was based on interest and concern. However, one did say that sometimes the stories would change based on the embellishment of each listener who in turn shared it with another. That makes sense that a story shared out of concern could then turn into gossip.

The group came to a consensus with a theory about the how the negative connotation of gossip came into existence. The women decided that originally, the information sharing was done similar to the way the grandmothers described shared, out of concern and interest. In that case it is not the bad gossip, but the good godsibb. However, when the intent is mean spirited, it becomes gossip.

I accept the analysis done by this group. I am comforted by the idea that women who shared stories with each other were informal godparents, and am lucky to have friends that fall into that category. I enjoy coming across studies such as Girl Talk, because they bring a fresh perspective to how we communicate as women. I mean the more we learn about each other, the better we understand — don’t you think?